It’s 9pm after a long, long day spent fighting work-from-home fires and wrangling with your Primary 6 child over his or her schoolwork and PSLE preparation.
A preparation that, in your view, could be going far better than it currently is. Your frustration has reached its peak. Why does your child take every opportunity to slack off when your back is turned? Why can’t a 12-year-old on the cusp of adolescence appreciate the importance of preparing well and early for the upcoming PSLE despite your repeated exhortations? Why haven’t you managed to raise a self-motivated child and relentless studying machine like what a friend of a friend of a friend (or so you’ve heard) did?
If the above even sounds remotely familiar to you, take a deep breath and read on.
As parents, it’s only natural to want the best for your child and worry about how he or she is going to get there. But, in their anxiety over their child’s long-term prospects, many parents can end up losing sight of the child’s short-term well-being, which is equally if not more important.
To give you an insight into your child's mind, here’s what your child might be thinking on that same hypothetical day at 9pm.
"It’s 9pm after a long, long day spent in school and in my tuition classes. I got home at 5pm, and Mummy told me to do my work while she did hers. To be honest, I haven’t done much in the past two hours not counting dinner because I’m kind of tired and the Chinese comprehension passage seems hard.
I have also been watching YouTube on the iPad for the last 30 minutes which I know I am not supposed to do, but Mummy was in a Zoom call and then she went to shower and I decided to take my chances...
Now I’m in trouble because Mummy wants to see what I’ve done and well, the worksheet is blank. She is going to get angry again about how I am not taking the PSLE seriously. My parents keep telling me now that I’m a big boy/girl and should know what’s the right thing to do.
But I’m really not sure how to deal with the increased expectations from the PSLE, and I’m afraid that if I say anything my parents will be even more disappointed in me."
Making the small effort to understand your child’s perspective can often make it obvious that your child isn’t lazy, defiant, or negligent about the PSLE.
The chances are that, with the PSLE being his or her first major examination, your child is simply feeling overwhelmed to some extent by the increased workload and pressure.
Yes, he or she may be 12 years old and on the cusp of adolescence, but your child still very much needs your love, support and guidance like they always have.
Amid the pressure and stress of working to overcome a major challenge like the PSLE, parents and children can lose sight of their love for each other. You may want to remind your child at regular intervals that, at the end of the day, your love and support are unconditional and not dependent on a grade or how hard they study.
Simple gestures such as treating your child to his or her favourite food after a gruelling day or even just telling him or her ‘I love you’ before bedtime can strengthen parent-child relationships and give your child the confidence he or she needs to press on.
Secondly, parents should also look to actively manage their expectations to avoid putting children under further unnecessary pressure.
It is one thing to set ambitious goals for your child in his or her PSLE year, but quite another to anxiously harp on these goals everyday, which might only cause your child to feel inadequate instead of motivated.
It is inevitable that parents will always worry about their children, but while the children are still young they should not be made to share in and bear the weight of these worries.
The PSLE is quite enough for a 12-year-old to worry about — he or she doesn’t need to know that you are worrying about whether they can get into a good secondary school or what your various back-up plans are in the event your child doesn’t do well enough to get into his or her first choice school!
Do your best to put your child in a position where he or she does not fear to fail, but dares to succeed.
Lastly, remember to slot in regular breaks to rest and recharge. The PSLE is a marathon and not a sprint, and you and your child already started “running” before this year.
Going all out in the early or middle portions of the race will only cause the both of you to burn out long before the finish line.
Be intentional about scheduling short breaks during the school day, and also break days during the weekend when your child can really unwind.
This will create a sustainable long-term rhythm that will help your child reap incremental gains in his or her PSLE preparation. We are fast running out of cliches here, but slow and steady wins the race.
Your child’s PSLE year is undoubtedly a stressful time for both you and him or her. At times like these, having a strong parent-child relationship and putting in the effort to maintain that relationship is crucial in preventing the pressure from boiling over.
At The Learning Lab, we see ourselves as facilitators and enablers offering a diverse range of learning tools and techniques designed to support you and your child and ease your worries during this critical year.
The Learning Lab has a wealth of resources you and your child can benefit from. Read our other articles that break down each PSLE component in detail and impart strategic advice and study tips.
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The complete overhaul of the PSLE scoring system from 2021 onward is doubtlessly daunting. But with our detailed breakdown in hand, you can ensure that both you and your child will be more than prepared for the challenges coming your way.
"People often say that kids these days are generally more playful than those from previous generations. I don’t know how true that is really, but I know it has always been a challenge to motivate Aly to study independently."
Find valuable tips on ways to help your child master the content covered in exams, hone key exam skills and how to exercise the right habits and attitudes to make this road towards the PSLE as rewarding as it is meaningful for your child.
The PSLE is a huge milestone in your child's academic life. Ensuring that your child has everything they need in the lead-up to the major exams will allow them to focus on effective, efficient and productive learning.
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