Flexibility and resilience are two of the most important qualities for children to develop at an early age, because they will be needed time and again when navigating all of life’s challenges along the way. They work best as a combination — having one without the other is a little bit like eating kaya toast without the kaya.
A child who has a flexible mind is able to change tracks to an alternative, better pattern of thought when the situation requires, and to consider a wider range of options when solving a problem. Resilience helps that same child to stay calm when faced with uncertainty, and to roll with the punches without giving up.
A child who is both flexible and resilient has all the tools he or she needs to withstand setbacks and then bounce back. Flexibility and resilience are qualities that can only be built by lived experience.
The good news is that, as parents, you can play a key role by exposing your child to the right experiences. Here are 5 tips for doing so:
1. Explain things
“Because I say so” is the unfortunate result when parents who are pressed for time meet an endless barrage of ‘whys’ from their children. But it really does pay off in the long run to take the time to explain the reasoning behind your decisions, and the consequences of your child’s behaviour.
Children who understand why they need to behave a certain way are not only more likely to regulate their behaviour in the future, but also learn to look beyond themselves to the impact their behaviour has on other people.
For example, there is a world of difference between a child being told “No, you can’t have any more time on the phone because I say so” and “No, you can’t have any more time on the phone because you will strain your eyes, and also your sister should have her turn”.
This encourages the child to think of the withdrawal of the phone not as an inexplicable personal attack, but as a reasonable decision that results in some gains for both himself and his sister, a common way of thinking in later life that most adults will recognise as a compromise.
2. Be a role model
Children learn a great deal, both consciously and unconsciously, from observing how their parents behave under all kinds of circumstances. One of the best ways to help your child to develop flexibility and resilience is by modelling such behaviour for them, and then walking them through your thought process (explaining again).
For younger children, tap their natural curiosity by letting them observe you accomplishing as many different tasks as possible, especially activities that are not instantly comprehensible to them such as warming up before exercise or even arranging the plates on the rack properly after washing.
For older children, you may want to show them how you adapt to changes and setbacks in your daily routine. For example, heavy rain might have put paid to your plans for outdoor family time, but without missing a beat, you pivot to indoor alternatives instead like a movie or board game night. Help your child understand how you had to modify your plans, and how things still turned out okay in the end.
3. Teach them to reframe
The ability to reframe, to focus on what we have instead of what we have lost, is one of the cornerstones for building flexibility and resilience. Reframing helps us to look beyond our immediate disappointment to potential opportunities that might surface in the future as a result of what we have learnt today.
It is also a skill that has to be taught, and that does not come naturally to most people. Children feel disappointment more acutely than adults precisely because they have not yet learnt how to, as adults like to say, look at the big picture.
At the same time, reframing is not limited to times when we are disappointed or when we fail. It is also a critical component of lateral thinking, helping us to think out of the box and push past the “usual” way of doing things to explore new and exciting options.
4. Give them the confidence to try…
Building flexibility and resilience has to begin somewhere, and that means encouraging your child to try new things and step out of their comfort zone. Age-appropriate freedom lets children learn where their edges are, and teaches them that they can cope with the things that go wrong.
Emphasise to your child that the trying is more important than the outcome, and that one instance of trying can simply be part of a longer process.
When challenges do crop up, resist the urge to step in immediately to solve the problem for them. Instead, allow them to feel their way into the situation, and to realise just how much their choices and decisions can shape the world around them. Children who learn how to deal with the more manageable stressors of childhood are better able to cope with stress during adulthood.
5. ...and the support when they fail
Failure can seem like a double whammy to many children. Your child may be afraid of not only disappointing him or herself, but also of disappointing you. And oftentimes, the disappointment on your part is real and palpable - after all, parents only want the best for their children. But the point is to walk through the entire process with your child, offering them your unconditional support and love all the way.
Let them know that even as they learn to believe in themselves, you’ve already done so.
Equipping Your Child with the Toolbox for Success
Raising children with flexible and resilient minds requires a balancing act between giving them the room to try and explore, and taking active involvement to expose them to a variety of experiences.
At The Learning Lab, we pride ourselves on a pedagogy that strikes just this balance, helping our students develop a spirit of inquiry while putting guard rails in place that prevent them from veering off course.
Click here to find out more about how can equip your child with a full set of tools for success.
Resources for Your Child's Learning Journey
Read our other articles for parenting advice and developmental tips.
A reward system can be a great way to motivate your child to make a habit of positive behaviours that you wish to encourage. Here are a few key considerations to keep in mind when implementing a reward system.
Reading the news can appear to be a dry and boring affair for children but there are significant benefits to developing an interest in current affairs early, and anywhere between upper primary to junior college is a good time to get started.
Here at The Learning Lab, we encourage students to aim to be the better version of their true selves, so they may grow up to be joyful and intelligent adults with healthy dispositions. Help us to reinforce these values by trying these tips at home.
The Learning Lab is now at 9 locations. Find a location that suits your needs.
If you have any questions about our range of programmes or class schedules, you may contact us at 6733 8711 or drop us an email at enquiry@thelearninglab.com.sg.
The Learning Lab is now at 9 locations. Find a location that suits your needs.
If you have any questions about our range of programmes or class schedules, you may fill in the form below or contact us at 6733 8711 / enquiry@thelearninglab.com.sg.